February…

DSCF9542I think it’s fair to say that I’m experiencing a bit of a hiatus, both in my career and in life in general. I’ve gone from working on projects, virtually none stop over late 2015 and over Christmas, to hardly touching my cameras. I blame January and February – they’ve provided me with a few minor career and personal set-backs, and one massive emotional crisis. I’ve never liked January or February…

I did a portrait session with a friend a few weeks ago, it was in between other shoots, all on film. I realised this week that I’ve had all the photos back, except those photos of my friend. I’ve turned my camper van upside down, but I can’t find those two rolls of film. It’s not the end of the world, I suppose, I can take the photos again.

I hate losing things, at least when you have something stolen or destroyed you know you’ll never see it again, you know it’s gone for good. Loss isn’t like that, there’s always that anxiety of something misplaced, and the more important the thing is that you lost, the more painful and intense that anxiety is.DSCF9503PK050216BW001913-13

Fuji X100T
Fuji X100T
Nikon F100/50mm/Ilford HP5 400 pushed to 1600

14 comments

  1. Dianne

    Oh Phil,I know you’re in a lot of turmoil at the moment,but it will pass,I promise you.We all have periods of lows,ups and downs…swings and roundabouts Use this time – a lot of artists have produced their greatest works in the depths of crushing depression or anxiety.You have so many positives,so much on your side – apart from being one of the worlds most amazing photographers,you’re also very funny,witty…. and hey,you’re a beautiful man- if I wasn’t married,I’d get in the queue!

    Seriously Phil, this will pass, my dear X

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  2. LAWoman86

    Everything is passing through, Phil, and this includes people. NOBODY is your life for its entirety. I know you, you’ll pick yourself up and dust yourself off, make new plans and carry-on doing what you do best. I agree with everything Dianne said, by the way😉 X

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  3. BrotherFromAnotherMother

    Phil,FFS!!! – you’re incredibly talented, 5 stone lighter than you were, you have a lust for life and adventure – AND you’re single! Most people would kill to be in your position now! I know you’re hurting, and I know you’re hurting badly, but in the words of the great Echo and the Bunnymen “Nothing ever lasts forever…”. See you soon, brother X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jonno Gollow

    Matey. This too will pass. At least we had a jolly few days in Glasgow with music and culture in the midst of the current chaos! Was best end January/early February I’ve had for ages. Thank you for being a big part of it!🙂
    Jonno

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Kirsty K

    It’s shit, I’ve been there (too many times), but it’s a cloud, a fucking big black cloud, and clouds pass. You aren’t Shrek, if you catch my drift😉 You have enough talent and charisma to get you through this🙂

    PS- get out and make more beautiful photographs, or I’ll slap you!

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  6. Margaret O'Neill

    Phil, I know you only through your photos and blogs since you started photographing The Jungle at Calais. I think your work is amazing and so very thought provoking. Keep on with what you’re doing so well, and I wish you all the best to get through this time.

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  7. I can relate to that a bit. Quit my job in consulting about 3 months ago to spent some time with making art but things are going slowly. Setup my website in December, then spent most of January watching Doctor Who. I blame it to the dark season. It will pass. Hope you’ve managed to get some work done on your thesis and to see you around Germany one day, as promised😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. when first I went to sea, I suffered terribly from sea sickness. eventually I realized that I was resisting the movement. and since then, I’ve been going with the movement in life too. When I’m unhappy, I go all the way… go to the depths… ache with all I’ve got. And of course, when I’m happy, I try to reach the greatest heights. That’s all I can share with you… a bit of my own experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Man, I’ve been there. Life so hectic and stressful you just can’t keep track of anything. Even that which is important to you. “Mental Bandwidth” is a term a while back, and when you’re under stress or have a lot to think about you use it all up. Small things, like a film reel, might get lost, or worse sometimes it’s entire hobbies, like Photography.

    It’s what happened to me, truly honestly, hope you fair better. I always enjoy your work

    Like

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