The things I saw #5

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More random visual meanderings and scribbles with the pen and the camera. All images made using an Olympus MjuII 35mm compact and Kodak Portra 160 film. Something I do know – free internet is very common in Spain. Rare in the UK.

Monday 19th October, Morecambe, Lancashire – I went to the Steam Packet ferry office at Heysham to see if I could get on an earlier sailing home. I told myself that if it was going to cost less than £50 to change the ticket, I’d do it. I’m quoted £55 and I’ll lose my seat in the premium lounge. Disgusted yet adamant, I drive through Morecambe to find wifi and somewhere pleasant to bunk-down for 12 hours. I end-up parking toward the far end of Morecambe’s sea front – past the giant tube of Polos and the bingo hall that I always think’s a supermarket. I stop outside a row of cheap B&Bs, and notice that one of them has unlocked wifi – I’m delighted. After about an hour of peering out of the window of his front lounge, the landlord, whose router I’m using, realises I’m surfing for free; so after a full 60 minutes of almost absolute stillness, he’s mobilised. The red-faced man disappears and within 30 seconds the wifi is off. He returns, triumphant. What a tosser. I get my debit card out and pay for the BT hotspot. I’m starting to regret not catching the earlier ferry.

I’m a single man, parked-up at the side of a main road and I have an 8 inch high teddy bear tied to the front of my motor home. The teddy came with the camper – her name’s Grace, she wears a tartan bow and a white t-shirt with the name of the dealership on it. Owners are supposed to take Grace everywhere and send twee photos back for the sales people to put on their website. On the first day in Amsterdam me and Kirsty stripped Grace naked and tied her to the front grill with a shoe lace. And there she stayed for a month. But it looks a bit weird now – sinister almost – now I’m on my own, so I cut Grace free with a kitchen knife and threw her into the nearest bin.’

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9 comments

  1. Jenny Sayle

    I adore your work, Phil, both your photography and your writing. You are one of those talents on the Isle of Man that nobody seems to appreciate, which is sad, because like all the Manx greats, you’ll just take yourself elsewhere. I hope you’ll have another exhibition on the Island?

    Jenny.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Really enjoying your blog Phil, and the photos speak for themselves. Can’t wait to see the work that comes back from France. Somehow I think it’s going to be very different from the images we see in the mainstream press.

    Good luck & stay safe man.

    Liked by 1 person

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